It really pains me – and it happens far too often – when I hear this advice:

‘If your child speaks to you in the local language, just pretend you don’t understand!’

All too often, too, I see parents quizzing their children on vocabulary as if they were sitting an exam, or grandparents pressing them: “How many words can you say in Italian?”

Raising a multilingual child doesn’t mean putting pressure on them or demanding they perform. Quite the opposite!

Why is it not a good idea to pretend you don’t understand your child?

In short: because you’re lying to your child and abusing their trust.

The truth is that you’ve understood exactly what they’re saying. Of course, your language is important and your priority, but your relationship with your child is far more important.

Communication is an essential part of your relationship, and as soon as you pretend not to understand them, you’re prioritizing multilingualism over your relationship. That’s not a good idea, because your relationship always comes before everything else.

Not only are you putting your bond with your child at risk, but by putting pressure on them, you also risk them associating your language with negative feelings. And we want to achieve exactly the opposite!

Why shouldn’t I force my child to speak my language?

Have you ever said something like this?

“I’ll only give you the chocolate if you ask me for it in English!”

I’m sure you mean well, but forcing your child to use your language doesn’t help. It might work in the short term, but alongside the language, your child is learning something else: that your language is more important to you than their needs. They learn that blackmail is a good way to get what they want – even from you. And they learn that they have to behave in a certain way to be loved. In the LingFLoWS® method, in which I’m trained, the focus is on meeting children’s needs, and that’s precisely why I recommend that parents raising their children to be multilingual shouldn’t force anything.

Why shouldn’t I quiz my child?

“How do you say ‘cat’ in Italian?”

“And what does Dad call it in English?”

“Can you translate this word?”

When I was little, I hated it when my German schoolmates pressured me to say something in Italian. Same story during our visits to Italian relatives, who would quiz me and want to know what I could say in Italian.

Nobody likes being tested, and even less so in front of others. Testing just increases the pressure, and your child is unlikely to associate positive feelings with your language as a result.

There can certainly be exceptions: if you really need your child’s help because they know more than you do in a particular context, you can of course ask them – this boosts their self-confidence. However, it should be genuine and not done simply to test your child’s abilities.

Why does my child always speak to me in the local language?

If your child doesn’t reply to you in your language, there are certainly good reasons for this – and it’s down to neither laziness nor a lack of ability.

The reasons can vary greatly, and sometimes it simply takes time to find out what they are in your specific case.

What can I do to encourage my child to reply in my language?

Firstly: try not to interrupt the conversation and keep the dialogue flowing smoothly. Respond in your language, picking up on the words your child has used in the local language. In this way, you provide them with a model of what they could have said and point out words they may not yet know but which can easily be understood from the context.

To ensure your child not only understands your language but also speaks it actively, you need a strategy.

The first step is to create a learning environment in which your child is motivated to express themselves in your language – without fear or pressure. An environment in which they can acquire the language and discover that speaking your language is fun. Then your child will also start speaking it to you spontaneously.

However, there is no one-size-fits-all solution for creating the right environment for their development. Every family has its own unique circumstances, and we can look at these together to find a strategy that is realistic for your specific situation and works in the long term.

You don’t have to do it all on your own!

If your child replies in the language spoken around them, it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. Perhaps you simply need more clarity, more confidence and a new, structured approach to multilingualism in your family.

If you’d like to work with me to develop a bespoke strategy to support your child in becoming bilingual or trilingual within the specific context of your family – rather than following well-meaning advice – then book a consultation: we’ll discuss it together.

Nicole Maina is a certified LingFLoWS® consultant for multilingualism. Consultations take place online or in person in Pecetto Torinese, near Turin.

L'articolo Just pretend you don’t understand your child proviene da Nicole Maina.

If you’ve searched online for “methods for bilingual families,” you’ve probably come across plenty of tips that all promise the same thing: Stick to this method and your child will become bilingual with no trouble.

As a professional consultant, I’d like to make one thing clear: There is no single “right” method. No one-size-fits-all. There is only the right method for your family, in your specific situation, at this stage in your children’s lives.

In this article, I’ll show you the key approaches used by multilingual families and explain why the real question isn’t which method you should choose, but what’s important—and, above all, realistic—for your family.

The Myth of the “Perfect Method”

In my counseling sessions, I often see parents who are convinced they’ve done something wrong because they didn’t follow a method they found in an article or a Facebook group to the letter. The good news is: Bilingualism doesn’t work according to recipes or methods. What really matters is that the strategy fits your family’s specific situation, because even the best method won’t work if it can’t be implemented in your family.

Let’s take a look at the most well-known methods.

The Most Well-Known Methods for Bilingual Families

OPOL – One Parent One Language

Each parent always speaks only one specific language with the child, regardless of the context. This is probably the best-known method, often recommended by experts and laypeople alike.

ML@H – Minority Language at Home

At home, only the second language is spoken (e.g., the native language of an immigrant parent), while the dominant language of the community (school, preschool, friends) is acquired outside the home.

Time and Place

The language used depends on the moment or context, not on the person. For example: Italian at mealtimes, German while playing and during the evening routine, or one language on weekends and another on weekdays. This requires a deliberate strategy with clear goals, but it is entirely feasible.

2P2L – Two Parents, Two Languages

Both parents speak both languages with the child and switch depending on the situation or context, rather than assigning a fixed language to each parent. This strategy is less restrictive than OPOL and is often chosen by families in which both parents are comfortable with multiple languages.

What if there are more than two languages in my family?

Many of these models, starting with OPOL, are designed for two languages and two parents. But what happens if there are three or four languages in the family—for example, one parent’s language, the other parent’s language, and the language of the environment?

In such cases, no single model can be applied: More languages almost always mean that you have to combine several strategies. A typical example: OPOL for both parents’ native languages, while a third language (such as the community language) is left to the school, a third person, or specific “time and place” moments. With four languages, the combination becomes even more complex and often requires setting priorities: Which languages can rely on the external environment to develop, and which must instead be actively promoted within the family?

There is no one-size-fits-all solution for such cases—this is precisely where individualized planning makes the biggest difference, because in multilingual families, there is a real risk of spreading oneself too thin by trying to give all languages equal weight, rather than developing a realistic and sustainable strategy.

Why No Single Method Is Universally the Best

Every family is a unique constellation of languages, people, habits, and contexts. A method that works perfectly for one family may simply be impossible to implement for another. Here are some of the variables that, in my experience, must be weighed on a case-by-case basis:

The family’s linguistic composition: How many languages are there, who speaks them, how well are they mastered, and, above all, how comfortable are people with them? For example, the situation is quite different when both parents are bilingual than when only one of them feels comfortable in both languages.

Dominant language in the environment: How strongly does the language spoken at school, in preschool, or in the community influence the child compared to the second language? It is important to consider how much time is available to expose the child to the minority language.

The child’s age and stage of development: A method introduced in the first months of life takes a different approach than one used when the child is already 4 or 5 years old and has already developed firm language preferences.

Relationship between Siblings: A new sibling can change the family dynamics and disrupt the linguistic balance established by the parents. Often, younger siblings speak to each other in the dominant language, even if the parents speak the minority language with them.

Consistency Outside the Family Circle: Grandparents, babysitters, and other caregivers should be involved in the strategy. However, if this is not realistically feasible in everyday family life, the method will quickly reach its limits.

Moves and Changes in the Family: Moving, changing schools, or other events can shift the balance between the languages involved over time and require adjustments to the strategy. As you can see, this isn’t about checking items off a list. It’s about recognizing your own family dynamic—with all its variables—and developing an approach that’s sustainable in the long term and realistic for your family.

No method lasts forever

There’s one last important aspect you should keep in mind: The strategy that works for your family today might not be the right one in three years. A move, a change of schools, the birth of a sibling, a new job that shifts the family’s balance: All of these are events that can shift the language focus of your daily life and often require you to rethink the approach you originally chose.

This is completely normal and part of life. What’s important is having the knowledge to recognize when it’s time to adjust your strategy—and how to do so without losing the progress you’ve already made.

That’s exactly what I want to give you: not just a tailor-made strategy for your current situation, but also the ability to independently navigate future changes in your family life and to recognize for yourself when it’s time to adjust your course.

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution—but together we can develop a strategy

If you’re not sure how the various factors in your family interact with one another, don’t worry: in my experience as a consultant, these are precisely the aspects that require a tailored analysis—not a generic formula from the internet.

There’s no “best” method that applies to all multilingual families. There is a strategy that we can develop together, based on your specific situation.

Schedule a free introductory consultation with me, and let’s talk about your family’s language dynamics: By the end of the session, you’ll have a clear plan tailored specifically to your family.

—

Nicole Maina is a certified LingFLoWS® consultant for multilingual parents

L'articolo Is OPOL the best method to raise bilingual children? proviene da Nicole Maina.

As a multilingual parent, you’re already juggling a lot: raising your child in two or more languages at once, supporting schoolwork in a second language, building bridges between cultures. And then comes the diagnosis: dyslexia. Suddenly, a knot of questions tightens in your stomach. Does multilingualism make dyslexia worse? Should we switch to just one language at home? Did we, as parents, do something wrong?

The good news: the answer to all of these questions is more reassuring than you might think.

What dyslexia is — and what it isn’t

Dyslexia (also known as a reading and spelling disorder) is a neurobiological trait that makes processing written language more difficult. Children affected by it struggle to connect letters with sounds, decode words, and read fluently — regardless of their intelligence or motivation to learn.

Here’s the key thing to understand: dyslexia is not an illness, not a failure, and not a sign of insufficient support. It’s simply a different way the brain processes language. And it’s hereditary — if one parent has dyslexia, the likelihood of the child having it rises significantly.

The myth: multilingualism causes dyslexia

One of the most persistent myths multilingual parents run into is: “Too many languages overwhelm the child.” This idea simply doesn’t hold up scientifically.

Multilingualism does not cause dyslexia. Full stop.

What can happen is this: the symptoms of dyslexia show up in every language a child learns — including their second or third language. As a result, difficulties are sometimes initially blamed on multilingualism, even though the real cause lies elsewhere. On the flip side, dyslexia in multilingual children is sometimes identified later than it should be, because teachers or professionals assume reading struggles are simply “normal” when a child isn’t being taught in their native language.

The takeaway: an early, well-informed diagnosis is especially important for multilingual children.

What multilingualism really means for children with dyslexia

Multilingualism brings cognitive advantages that can also benefit children with dyslexia: sharper language awareness, more flexible thinking, and a broader understanding of how language works. Children who grow up with multiple languages often develop a fine-tuned sensitivity to sounds, meanings, and structures — a resource that can be put to deliberate use in therapy.

That said, the path isn’t without its challenges. Dyslexia is easier to compensate for in some writing systems than in others: languages with highly consistent spelling (like Italian or Spanish) tend to be more accessible for children with dyslexia than languages with irregular spelling (like English or French). That doesn’t mean your child should give up a language — but it does help to adjust expectations and support accordingly.

What you can do as a parent

1. Don’t give up your family languages. Many multilingual parents wonder whether they should switch to one language at home so as not to overwhelm their child. The research is clear on this: don’t abandon your multilingualism, and keep passing your languages on to your child. The emotional bond built through a mother tongue is a valuable anchor — especially for a child who’s struggling at school.
2. Look for professionals who understand multilingualism. When it comes to diagnosis and therapy, it’s essential to find speech therapists, psychologists, or learning specialists with experience working with multilingual children. A diagnosis based only on the school language can be incomplete. Ideally, the child’s abilities in both languages should be taken into account.
3. Make strengths visible. Children with dyslexia often experience a lot of setbacks — at school, in reading, in writing. Your multilingual child already carries something special within them: they belong to two or more worlds, think across different cultures, and can express things others simply can’t. Naming and celebrating these strengths isn’t a small thing — it’s the foundation of your child’s self-image.
4. Work closely with the school. Talk openly with teachers — about the multilingualism, about the dyslexia, about what your child needs. In many countries — Italy, for example — children with dyslexia are entitled to accommodations: extra time on exams, the use of assistive tools, alternative forms of assessment. Know these rights, and use them.
5. Be patient with yourself. You don’t have to know everything. You don’t have to be perfect. The most important thing you can give your child is the feeling: I’m on your side. I believe in you.

Multilingualism can be an advantage for dyslexia

Dyslexia and multilingualism aren’t mutually exclusive — in fact, they can complement each other in surprising ways. Many people with dyslexia report that learning another language actually helped them better understand their own mother tongue. And many multilingual people with dyslexia have found their own path — as entrepreneurs, artists, scientists, parents.

Your child carries both within them: the challenge of dyslexia and the richness of multilingualism. Both are part of who they are. Both shape them. There’s no reason to give up a language!

I’m Nicole Maina, a certified LingFLoWS® consultant for multilingual families. I work with parents of bilingual and multilingual children, and I know from personal experience what it means to support a child with learning differences in more than one language.

Book a free introductory call and let’s figure out together which path is right for your child and your family.

Main scientific source: Nicole Maina, “Bilingualism and Dyslexia: Can Bilingualism Be an Advantage for Dyslexic Children?”, certification thesis for LingFLoWS® consultants, February 2026. Drawing on studies by Maria Vender and Mirta Vernice (2023), as well as the international literature on dyslexia and bilingualism.

If you suspect your child may have dyslexia, reach out to a pediatrician, a school psychology counseling center, or a specialized speech therapist. An early diagnosis makes a significant difference.

L'articolo My Child Is Multilingual and Has Dyslexia — Now What? proviene da Nicole Maina.

L'articolo What is the LingFLoWS® method? proviene da Nicole Maina.

L'articolo My child mixes languages – does that mean they’re confused? proviene da Nicole Maina.

L'articolo The advantages of bilingualism proviene da Nicole Maina.

The long answer is also yes, but the process may be a bit more demanding.

Here are three practical tips to help you raise a bilingual child.

Learn the language of early childhood

If you learned the language as an adult, it means you didn’t grow up with it, and you probably never heard or spoke the language of babies and young children in that language. No one sang you lullabies, taught you nursery rhymes, or played children’s games like “one, two, three, star!” in German.

Try to fill these gaps using all the resources you can find: books, songs, cartoons, and YouTube videos.

If you need inspiration, explore online resources with children’s content in the language you want to introduce at home.

And if you want guidance on where to begin, or need a customized plan, discover my coaching for multilingual families.

Immerse yourself in the target language as much as possible

To pass a language on to your child, excellent proficiency alone isn’t enough; you also need to be exposed to that language regularly.

“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Speaking the target language for work is good practice, but do you also use it during your free time? Are you surrounded by it in relaxed, enjoyable contexts?

If your linguistic input outside of work or adult conversations isn’t enough, then try integrating it more into your life.
For example, you can spend time with friends who speak that language, join expat or language groups, call or video-chat with friends abroad, read books or watch movies about topics you enjoy

In short:

Expose yourself to the language in natural, enjoyable situations.

Always remember: authentic dialogue is ideal. Books, radio, and movies are great, but they are one-way input.
If you enjoy podcasts, choose ones where at least two people have a natural conversation about something you’re genuinely interested in — this gives you real, non-work language exposure.

Stay consistent with your language routine

It’s probably unrealistic to speak English (or any second language) with your child 100% of the time, all day long.
But creating dedicated language moments throughout the day can be more than enough.

The most important thing is consistency.
If you decide to read a book together every night before bed, make it a routine — a habit — and do it every evening.
If it works better for your family to choose Wednesday afternoons and the weekend for your language time, that’s equally effective, as long as you do it consistently.

Both the quantity and quality of input matter, but repetition and consistency are just as essential.
They are the foundation of bilingual upbringing at home.

Want to learn how to introduce a second language into your daily life — without stress?
Book a free discovery session to discuss your family’s linguistic needs and create a personalized, sustainable strategy together.

L'articolo Can I pass on a language to my child even if it’s not my mother tongue? proviene da Nicole Maina.

Now your child is already in preschool, or maybe even in elementary school, and they don’t speak your language the way you had hoped. Is it too late? No.

It’s never too late

Objectively, it is never too late to learn a language. Even adults can reach very high levels of proficiency in a new language. Does that mean they’ll master both languages 100%, without an accent? Of course not (and by the way, “perfect bilingualism” is extremely rare).

That said, children can learn additional languages quite easily, even after early childhood. Whether your child is three or already approaching adolescence, with the right approach, you can start passing on your language right away.

If you’d like support in getting started today and want a clear, detailed explanation of how to do it, book a free discovery session!

L'articolo Is my child too old to become bilingual? proviene da Nicole Maina.

How can I motivate my child to speak?

Surround your child with lots of materials in your language

This may sound obvious, but it’s essential to immerse your child in the language, so keep plenty of materials of that language in your home.Books are a fundamental tool for providing high-quality, varied linguistic input, and it’s important that you read to your child out loud, ideally in a way that they can see your facial expressions and the movements of your mouth. Non-verbal language is an essential part of communication (trust me, I’m an interpreter!), and this helps them reproduce sounds that they can imitate.

Depending on your child’s age, audiobooks or storytelling toys (which often exist in many languages) are also helpful. Children can use them with you, or alone when you’re not around.

If your child is old enough, cartoons and children’s programs in your language work well too.Maybe you’ve chosen to limit screen time in your family, but remember: this exposure is enriching. It provides additional input that your child needs to reach bilingualism. Every show offers new voices, accents, topics, and vocabulary that differ from yours, but are easy for children to grasp through context. Even a simple cartoon can provide a lot of linguistic variety.
A simple rule of thumb: Replace screen time in the dominant language with the same amount in your language.
Use interactive materials

For children ages 3–4 and up, interactive toys or books with audio pens are fantastic.
Personally, I really like Ravensburger’s TipToi (no affiliation — just a recommendation!). With the pen, children tap images to hear the text read aloud, listen to rhymes or songs, solve riddles, find objects, identify letters and numbers, and more. Choose topics that genuinely interest your child; their curiosity will increase their motivation.

These activities are extremely helpful for comprehension, but they are unidirectional: the child listens and receives input, but the interaction is mostly passive. To activate language and encourage speaking, your child needs activities that involve interaction.

Tap into your child’s interests and create interaction

Research shows (and intuition confirms) that learning happens where interaction happens.
Add strong personal interest into the mix, and the game is literally won.

Your child’s interests

Make a list of everything your child is currently passionate about. Unicorns? Dinosaurs? Pirates? Building with LEGOs? Playing “store” every day with a pretend cash register and credit card?

• Parent–child interaction

Based on those interests, create activities that require back-and-forth interaction. Act out a dinosaur battle together, speaking in “dinosaur voices.” Build a house out of LEGOs and ask your child to hand you “the red brick for the rectangular door.” Play a full role-play shop game: walk in with a shopping list, ask which apples are the freshest today, pay with play money, and ask for change. Dialogue and interaction make learning easier — and your involvement motivates your child to answer in your language and use it in play. The key: the activity must be so engaging that the language becomes secondary Choose a calm moment when your child feels good, and make sure you are also undistracted. Turn off your phone, set aside your to-do list, and tune in to your child’s needs.
Your child will be happy because:
– they chose the activity
– it’s their favorite kind of play
– and they have your full, undivided attention
With interest and motivation leading the way, the language naturally slips into the background, and they end up learning without even realizing it. Before you know it, your child will start speaking your language with you!

The key: the activity must be so engaging that the language becomes secondary

Choose a calm moment when your child feels good, and make sure you are also undistracted.
Turn off your phone, set aside your to-do list, and tune in to your child’s needs.

Your child will be happy because:
– they chose the activity
– it’s their favorite kind of play
– and they have your full, undivided attention

If your child loves books… In addition to reading aloud (passive input), you can also look at the pictures together and comment on them. This creates opportunities for your child to answer you in your language:
“Can you find the little gray mouse on this page?”
“What are those kittens doing?”
If it’s their favorite book that you read every night, encourage them to retell the story in their own words or even reinvent it, which is great for language activation.

And if what they say isn’t perfect, do not interrupt or correct them. Here’s why…

Pass on your language naturally

Learning and acquiring a language are two different things. You’re the parent — not your child’s language teacher.
At home, language is acquired naturally, without lessons, corrections, or quizzes.

Your child wants to speak your language and is trying to imitate you. Their sentence may not be perfect, but it’s the best they can do at the moment, and interrupting the flow with, “No, not like that, it’s said this way…” breaks confidence.

Let them speak and make mistakes.

It’s far more important to:
– let them try
– strengthen their self-esteem
– reinforce what they can say
– and build from there
Give them the certainty that they can take risks without being judged.

They want to speak your language, so help them do it naturally by removing the pressure.

What if they make lots of mistakes? You can repeat what they said in the correct form, but without saying they were wrong. Over time, the mistakes will disappear on their own.

For the same reason, prevent anyone, inside or outside the family, from quizzing or correcting your child (“How do you say this in Spanish?” “How many words can you say in English?”).
These situations:
– demotivate
– harm self-esteem
– feel embarrassing
– and create negative emotional associations with your language

Surround your child with speakers of your language

If you are the only source of the minority language at home, look for others who can support you.

Connect with your cultural community in your area
Attend activities or playdates with other families
Find children close in age to your child; peer motivation + interaction is a powerful combination

If you have family or friends in your home country, visit them to create immersion and let your child interact with people with different voices, accents, and communication styles.

If travel isn’t possible, invite them to visit you for a similar effect.

Between visits, stay in touch by phone or video. Weekly calls with grandparents or cousins are incredibly enriching, not just linguistically. Your child will feel more connected to their family abroad, and the ongoing connection prepares them for the next visit.

Share your culture and traditions

Your goal is for your child to speak your language, but that language is only one part of your identity.
Tell them about your childhood and what life was like in your country. Bring your traditions into your home:
Celebrate Thanksgiving or the 4th of July as if you were in the U.S. Make a St. Martin’s lantern and recreate the lantern walk with friends Celebrate Nikolaus Day by leaving gifts in shoes by the door
The possibilities are endless.

Have you already tried some of these strategies, but your child still refuses to speak? Contact me, and let’s find the solution that works for you and your child together.
Book a free discovery session!

L'articolo My child understands me, but doesn’t speak proviene da Nicole Maina.